[1] None of the "spectators" (a/k/a "the people you invited to be present because they care enough about you to bother) care about or will notice details. Nobody cares whether the flowers tone perfectly with the bridesmaids' gowns. Your fiance is right. If there are a few self-appointed wedding critics in your roster of guests, concentrate on the goofy lovestruck expression you should be wearing before, after, and during your wedding, and sweetly say, "Oh, it didn't go off perfectly, I know, but at a moment like this, who cares?" The critic will be so ashamed that he/she will dissolve on the spot.
The young woman I recently saw married in Key West received the highest praise a bride can receive from one of her guests: "You made me believe in love again!" Even I shed a tiny crystal tear or two. I will never forget the expression on the face of the groom as he looked at her; or either of their faces during their wedding dance.
[2] The best weddings aren't pageants or set pieces, but a charming adaptation of tradition and convention to the circumstances. The bridesmaids don't even have to match. A bride who looks radiantly happy will be remembered forever afterward long after they have forgotten your dress. All the bridegoom needs is a suitable expression. Any of the following will do: radiant, adoring, stunned (with joy), delighted. "Deer in the headlights" or "severely hung over" are old standards and will amuse the guests much more, but for a truly beautiful occasion, the others are preferable.
[3] The people in the wedding party aren't your employees. They are presumably friends and family members. You're actually not paying them to be there and in fact, they are likely to feel obligated to confer benefits on you. They may feel compelled to purchase clothes they will never wear again and travel to distant locations in order to be at your side. Lavish gratitude is in order---on your part.
Don't you want your wedding party and your guests to remember the occasion with enjoyment and affection?
If your wedding party look as if they are enjoying the day because in fact they are enjoying the day, they and your guests will remember your wedding forever afterward and your wedding will become a model for all the young unmarried girls who are present. If your wedding party look like a perfectly posed chorus line, they will look like every other wedding party everywhere in the history of weddings (except for the color scheme and the length/fullness of the dresses) and no one will remember a thing about them. You're not going to remember much of it anyway, so concentrate on making sure the people who showed up to support you have fun. You will have your fun afterward. (Shut up. I mean, you'll have your fun when you watch the videos; what did you think I meant? Though you'll only have fun if you're a good bride and not an entitled little princess who lives out her fantasy at the expense of everyone else).
[4] The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate a marriage. Keep your eye on the ball, girl. If your wedding is the best day of your life, then God help you.
[5] A delicious wedding cake is as rare as a star, whereas all wedding cakes are elaborately decorated and have a little thingajig on top. If you offer a really tasty cake, people will remember it for the rest of their lives. The best wedding cake I ever tasted was homemade. It was cream (real-cream) filled and flavored with real lemon peel. It had plain white icing and a tiny Christmas tree on top. I can still taste it today.
[6] A perfect wedding that people "will remember forever" is designed for the guests. If you want yours to stand out, think about how to give your guests a great time. You can spend much less money and people will love you for it. Put your money into delicious-tasting (as opposed to elegant-looking) refreshments that you can afford. Asking your guests to pay for their own is a social solecism that should make you hide your head in shame. If you can't afford liquor, give them wine or beer with appropriate food. A selection of incredibly tasty tidbits or sandwiches is better than a mediocre sit-down dinner featuring rubber cuisine, cardboard rolls, and air pie.
[7] If you want your wedding to be memorable to your guests and your wedding party, bear in mind that it really isn't all about you, no matter what you've heard. It isn't "your day" in the sense of "you get to have whatever you want the whole time", but in the sense of "people are taking a lot of trouble for you, so put your best foot forward."
[8] Even if you're the bride, your guests are your guests. Remember that. Keep reminding yourself that you're also a hostess as well as the guest of honor. Focus on spreading happiness and fun, not on getting people to do your royal bidding. Isn't it enough that everyone is going to stand up when you enter the room?
[9] After the wedding, no one will remember your wedding dress unless it actually consists of pants or has a seriously plunging neckline or is wildly inappropriate for the setting (e.g., a seriously plunging neckline in church). They won't remember whether it was white, ivory, or "candlelight." They won't remember whether you wore a veil or no veil or the color of your flowers. They will just remember that your dress was whit[ish] and that you looked radiant.
[10] It's not all about you. And even after you're married, you'll need his continuing endorsement. Treat the groom, his friends, and most of all, his family, with utmost care and consideration, even if you secretly hate them all.
[11] See this site: Etiquette Hell. Read liberally from all of the sections dealing with weddings. Making your future spouse, in-laws, your wedding party and your guests hate your guts is not an auspicious beginning to your marriage.
[12] It's NOT all about YOU. I don't care what you mother or your favorite Bride-serving magazine told you. Listen to your Aunt Damozel.
