The last in the final series of letters to my friend, Sharon.
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10/15/2004
Dear Sizemore,
I am signin’ off now.
This is the last Flat letter. The final Flat, finally Flat, flat final note. My dang damaged heart just ain’t in it no more………
Now, writin’ all this stuff has taught me a lot. And I have grown quite fond of dogs that don’t have all four legs. I prefer em, now, as a matter of fact. And I have learned to write pomes and how to research quantum mechanics and such on the internet. I also had the opportunity to correspond with some important folks in this country and foil them terrorists who are threatenin’ our country. That ain’t bad for a ‘project kid’ is it?
But all of my good/fast money ideas fell through, and that is why I’m packin’ it in. And since I won’t be able to afford getting’ on the internet anymore, I can’t send nothin’ to you anyway. I got to go to work for Walmart or McDonald’s pretty soon. But that’s OK. It’s honest work.
My heart ain’t doin’ so well either, Sizemore. The doctors are startin’ to rumble about havin’ to go in for a little upgrade. Well that means more danged brain damage, and personally, I hate that stuff! Plus, some guy in England just beat my ‘heart out of body record’ when her surgeon passed out from inhalin’ laughin’ gas, and they had to go across town to finish the surgery at another hospital.
So I got nothin’ left, Sharon. I am beat down, to the flat ole ground. Like the salt in the Bonneville flats.
I think I’m just gonna ride off into the sunset. Just gonna fade away. I’m gonna ride over the horizon. Just gonna set sail into the sunset. I’m gonna hit the road west. I’m gonna leave my troubles behind (in the east). I’m headin’ toward the light, Sharon. I’m gonna enter the tunnel. And I hope I see that bright light at the end of this one!
Farewell sweet Sharon! Farewell, my dear head injured friend.
Sincerely,
Flatline
Flat Finally Finished
PS Sizemore, when you read this letter to testify for me at my disability hearin’, there won’t be a dry eye in the whole danged house. And once the public gets a look at these letters, the checks are gonna start flyin’ in so open a new bank account! Name it the “Yahoo, We Be Rich Soon!” account. (make sure you erase this PS or else we’re both goin’ down for the last time. And, I’m afraid GITMO would be better than where they will send us!)
6:39:52 PM 
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