Dear Sharon and Ray,
The Government of the United States is goin’ to make us so dang rich for thinkin’ of this one that even I can’t believe it! I know you are thinkin’ that ol’ Flat has led us down this path before, but I am so dang, dang, dang serious this time! And, you guys know I have never used dang twice in a row even once! (That means I am serious as a heart attack-which I had for dang’s sake!) We’re gonna’ kill a lot of birds with one stone on this … (if there are any left after my West Nile idea!).
Okay now, we know about whale and dolphin speech studies. But fresh water fish are smaller and quieter…. If we make the right choice on equipment, I think we have a chance to do somethin’ amazing! They used MACS on whales, but I think we need PCs for freshwater fish. (Bill Gates is gonna want to get in on this one!)
Ok, Sharon, if we could talk to our American fishes, we could tell em to eat all the mosquitoes they see, and that would solve the West Nile Virus problem………. But that is only the start!
You know, I believe the Snakehead fish is really an Al Qaeda plot to kill off all our regular fish in this country….. But, we can train the regular fish to tell us whenever they see one of those Vietnamese bastard fishes! (You know, I was a Viet vet, and those guys are still really pissed at us! I don’t care what they say….) So now our fish are gonna be national animal heroes……
Sizemore, if we could get that Loch Ness prick to talk we’d really have some good water life intelligence! (I bet CNN alone would retire our asses in style!)
Fish will tip us off to water poisoning plots! Fish will tell us about AQ folks messin’ around in our lakes ….. Fish will tell us where to catch the world record Large-mouth Bass (current worth over ONE MILLION US DOLLARS in endorsements) And that is the least we’re gonna get out of this! Oh man, oh man………
But Sharon, we must be prepared for casualties in these future fish-involved water wars. I am thinking it would be a good idea to establish a National Fish Cemetery in western Nebraska for those finney fish friends finally found fully fucked forever (i.e., dead)! I call it the 7F Fraternity! We might affectionally refer to it as the Fin Den (or Den of Fin) …….
Ain’t grants great?
Sincerely,
Flatline
Friend o’ Fishes
8:53:01 PM 
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