A letter I sent to Carolyn Parrish, Member of Parliament for the Federal Riding of Mississauga-Erindale. Canada. Apparently she ain't fond of America or our war goin' on in Iraq.
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September 2004
Dear Ms. Parrish,
I would really like to know why you called me and my countrymen ‘idiots’ this week.
We are just good folks tryin’ to protect ourselves from guys like you who let hijackers get into our country….
I heard you called us a bunch of bastards last year. Dang, we could make you guys North Minnesota any time we want and you have been callin’ us names………..
And you of all people, Ms. Parrish? You are in that famous group of folks up there in Canada. I saw that MP in back of your name in the news----the Mounted Police. I thought you guys were the ‘best of the best’. There were even a lot of famous movies made about your gang, and from those movies, I learned to love all of you Royal guys. Good ole Dudley and his buddy Bullwinkle (But I gotta admit that I did have a little thing for Natasha even though she was a Communist).
Anyways, now I am thinkin’ of inventin’ a T-Shirt that says, “Cannucks Sucks!”, because I think you have unfairly judged us Americans…..
I think you guys up there might just be victims of a cold climate, Ms. Parrish. Like the all the drunks in northern Russia and Alaska…….. That old winter depression and darkness kicks in and all of a sudden you guys get mad at us Americans for havin’ made a pretty good deal on Florida…..
See? We knew those ‘winter crazy’ people in New York and Chicago were gonna have to get away for a few days in the winter, so we thought ahead and bought a pretty good place to go.
Now Ms. Parrish, I don’t want to tell you about your business, but if I were you, I would write President Bush (Washington, D.C.) and ask if you could become one of our states. I think he just might consider it. He needs a lot of good points right now. Plus, he needs a few new votes. (We’re havin’ an election down here in a few months, you know.)
If he did let you guys into our family of States and Commonwealths (like the one I live in) then you guys could get down to Florida or out to California or Arizona in the winter, and you wouldn’t have all these mental problems you got. And I bet nobody ‘north of the border’ would be callin’ us names neither, ‘cause we would all be just plain ole Americans!
Sincerely,
Flatline Hutchison
PS And, Ms. Parrish, I just thought of somethin’ else. Your girls and boys up there could get in the military down here and go to Afghanistan or Iraq, and they wouldn’t have to deal with the winter cold and depression. It just might be as we Americans say, a ‘Win-Win’ deal.
7:48:44 PM 
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