A reference I gave my friend, Sharon. I hope it did her some good.
February of 2003
Dear Bay State Folks:
My friend, Sharon, told me that you guys would be callin’ or e-mailin’ me about a reference. But you guys never called or wrote so I am sendin’ this prophylactic reference before I pass out tonight………..
I know Sharon……. I love that girl……….
My boss told me he was happy to get her to work for him, one time….. I guess he was just lucky, cause she never did too much for me at all………. Except one thing! She by God knew where every Vicodin tablet we had was at every minute! I liked that cause I had a little V problem at one time if you know what I mean……..?
I believe that Sharon and I worked somewhere together at one time, but I forgot where…..
What?
Dear Sir or Madam:
I was a victim of a heart attack! I almost died and I have been brain damaged. I am so sorry that I have forgot most of the good stuff that I had on Sharon Sizemore……. She was an old friend of mine who I think joined a UNION and got the nurses very riled up in Louisville…….. She was as close as a gnat’s ass to getting’ a union goin’ at someplace I worked…… She was a damned good organizer……….
Dear Friend:
OK….OK…… I just want to say one thing……….. Sharon is the best person who I ever almost convinced to move to west Nebraska with me, and if you are smart, you will hire her and relocate your facilities to Western Nebraska so we can all fight Al Qaeda together!
Dear VP:
Pain Management is a snap for Sharon…….. As a native Kentuckian, she knows it is whiskey, whiskey, whiskey…….. And secondarily, nicotine, nicotine, and nicotine……… The younger you start, the less pain you will feel! Drink and smoke your way to a pain free life! All Massachusetts are gonna thank this woman!
I gotta go………. Whoever I wrote this reference for is a good old guy or gal…….. Hire em and ask em to help me get a job there too! Then I will have the chance tell you the real truth about em……
Sincerely,
Rick Hutchison
My Mystical Prediction
I am not really a religious person, but if there is a God and he or she is real smart, then they would announce that Judeo-Christian Messiah/reincarnation/second coming like this:
One day a second Sun would rise about 2 or 2 and ½ hours after the first one……. I’m thinkin’ the brightness alone would get a lot of attention in areas where there weren’t any clouds. If it was cloudy, it might not be as effective, or depending what time of the year it was, one of the polar areas would definitely be shortchanged, but somebody would call folks on a cell phone or they would see the news on cable and figure out what was goin on. Everybody would know in about 5 minutes or so, I think. Plus, there would be a lot of scientists jockeying to get on the evenin’ news that night……
Anyway, I bet ole GOD would see a lot of good shit happenin’ fast………… People would sit up and take notice and be on their best behavior. There wouldn’t be no shootin or lootin or child abuse on that day! Folks would just be checkin their registers-tallyin their time sheets.
This is from a: Person who was Flatlined at one time…………
What About?
It’s not about what you believe…..
We can all explain away our behavior by ‘our beliefs’!
It’s about how we react to and what we see in one another and our environments……..
Our beliefs start to blur when our reactions and sights conflict with them….
That’s why we can have a Juliet lovin’ a Romeo, a Palestinian lovin’ a Jew….
A redneck livin’ successfully in NY city!
I say, “Believe it!” Until your sense tells you to stop! Then relish being human and relish in other human beings ……..
The Box*
All those folks sayin’ think outside the box, when they don’t even know what was in the box to begin with!
All those folks sayin’ think outside the box, like they understand what was in the box to begin with!
All those folks sayin’ think outside the box, like they were the ones that thought up all the stuff inside the box in the first place!
God forbid that anyone might be thinkin’ of good stuff that is already inside the box.
---
“ Fuck a bunch of boxes…..
And, please, don’t ‘noodle’ on this shit!”
Just tell me somethin’ I don’t know
(Whether it is was inside or outside the box!)
Somethin’ I have not seen or heard.
Dazzle me!
If a box helps your act, then by all means, use it!
But, DAZZLE MY ASS!
(And this includes me (i.e., dazzle somebody’s ass, Rick!)
Flatline
(Flatlined N.B.C.)
(not by choice)
*Only true dumb asses try to ‘think outside the box’ because someone told them to do it or they believed that ‘outside the box’ has some special meaning, or is somehow better than what was ‘in the box’. Thinkin’ has nothin’ to do with boxes at all. It has to do with where your mind takes you.
E.g, thinkin’ might take you to a box within a box within a box within a box ……………….within a little bitty box where you find an itsy bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini that is attached to a blow-up doll that when inflated wouldn’t fit into any box you got in your Mail Boxes, etc. store, that was recently purchased by UPS who ships a lot of their packages in box trucks and fiberglass boxes that are loaded onto planes.
Just forget boxes when you are tryin’ to think.
Don’t think ‘outside the box’, think ‘without the boxes’! Just think!
6:31:25 PM 
|
