May 26, 2004
Dear P,
I know you don’t know me, and even though it might upset you some, I gotta say that as much as I used to like Rick, I truly believe he is a dang dumbass and possibly a crook! I’ll bet you’re thinkin’, now why would Flat start off a letter to a complete stranger like that? I did because Rick is actin’ like a big pretender, that’s why!
If you doubt this, then why don’t he just print my whole book and send it to you and Carol in the mail or deliver it to your offices at the Hospital instead of sendin' it one letter at a time? He works right down there by you all for dang’s sakes! Plus, he worked right there in the hospital for 3 or four months (or so he tells me), so I guess he would know where your danged offices are. Plus, I heard he can’t send anymore of my stuff to you guys anyway. The hospital IT folks are blockin’ his danged e-mail.
He just wants to try to be cool and build up everybody’s dang excitement about a bunch of just common sense bullshit stuff and try to get some money out of my hard work!
I hear he started a dang readers group, too. Well ain’t that fancy?
I know you guys have read some of my old letters to Sharon…… I am sure you all have thought of those same exact things yourselves. I bet your close friends and family have had the same exact dang experiences. They ain’t nothin’ new, and no big deal…..
But ole Rick is tellin’ folks that my Flatline stuff is somethin’ so special ‘cause he is just tryin’ to get illegal money out of the government. The ‘crazy check’ was all his idea…… I just offered to help him out by writin’ a few letters to his buddy Sharon. By the way, she is a damn sight better person than he is. And she’s a lot smarter, too!
I thought he had finally given up all this ‘crazy check’ shit. He is gonna get us all put in jail is what is happenin’. Dang fool!
Now P, since I don’t know you, I hate suggestin’ what I think you should do. But if I were you, I would: 1) tell Rick that you really would prefer not to get anymore stuff written by anybody named or associated with, Flatline; and, 2) seriously consider reportin’ Rick to the Office of Homeland Security.
He smells a little ‘AQ’ to me, if you know what I mean. (He don’t speak Arabic to my knowledge, but he speaks Chinese, and with 4 billion Chinese in the world, then at least one of ‘em speaks Arabic I bet and that guy might be talkin’ to Osama Bin Ladin, and Rick might be talkin to him and that is close enough for me!) If you don’t want to turn him in, then ask Carol. She’ll do it in a New York minute… (and by the way, I heard his dog tried to tried to kill your little ass dog one day not too long ago. That little Ocarina dog, I think……) Or ask that guy Buddy he hung around with……. I heard that maybe they have some kind of ‘arms deal’ goin’ on!
You guys surely don’t want to spend the rest of your lives in GITMO or ABU GHRAIB? But that is where ole Rick is takin’ all of us. I heard that girl in the picture who had the collar around that poor guy’s neck is still employed there by the way. Just lookin’ at her in the pictures, I think she would love to get a bunch of new prisoners….. Now I hope that all this don’t scare you, but I got to get somebody’s attention on this guy.
Sincerely,
Flatline
PS If I didn’t need Rick’s dang computer to do my writin’, then I wouldn’t have nothin’ to do with the SOB at all! And have ya’ noticed that it don’t seem to be workin’ worth a crap lately?
PSS P, believe me, I am just a poor writer that Rick hired over the internet to help get him a ‘crazy check’. He fed me some leads on stories, but now I think that they were really stories from his own life. He said he just wanted to cheer up his friend, Sharon, with funny stories…..
I did my best. But now I am thinkin’ that it was a big mistake to take on this job…….
With his AQ connections, I am a dead man for sure! (Please erase this PSS, but I will stand by the body of this letter!)
PSS Since you all seem to like them letters, I will steal a copy or two if you want. That’s about the only way you’re gonna see em.
CC: Sharon
7:38:02 PM 
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