I had a dream
last night….
I
was a Orthodox Jew and was working for Haliburton as a contractor in Iraq. I had my pet pig, Greased Lightning, with me…..
One
day me and my friends got attacked by a bunch of insurgents with grenade
launchers and roadside bombs. I got away
but the attackers got my dang pig. (I
was faster than Greased Lightning!)
The
next day Al-Jazeera aired clips of my blindfolded pig with hooded guys holding
guns to her head. They threatened to
have a ‘Baghdad Luau’ unless the Coalition Forces left Iraq. I knew they were bluffin’ (clue: radical
Islamics don’t eat pork?) but the danged U.S. government pledged every resource
to rescue my pig and authorized 15,000 more troops to the theatre.
(In
my dream, I thought, ‘What dumb shit would authorize this?’ When I woke up I thought, ‘Any number of them
might have done it.’)
A
week later my pig turned up wandering around happy and apparently well fed on a
beach in Lebanon. As it turned out none of the Muslim captors knew exactly how
to kill or cook a pig since pigs are non-Halal in Islam! So they sent it back to me through a bunch of
folks who had no idea how to kill or cook a pig either. Americans as a rule go nuts for pig meat and ergo the kidnappers’ original
threat. They must have thought GL was gonna be a part of my future meal
plans. They missed the part about me
bein’ an Orthodox Jew? They thought I
was a ‘simple’ American?
(In the dream, I woke up so happy to see my
pig, and thought that if I had caught
one of their pet pigs I could not have eaten it either.
In real life, I
woke up hummin’ an old Beach Boys’ tune…
BE TRUE TO YOUR SCHOOL! And I had
a thought. You can be true to your
school but still find common ground with others if you just look for it! )
After a cup of coffee, I wondered why any
country would ever consider going to war without a clear understanding of their
enemy........
9:50:21 PM 
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