Dear Sharon
and Ray,
We have to
mount a campaign to get the Statue of Liberty moved to Nebraska and we have to
do it quick!
Let me back
up and start at the beginning here. In April, I was riding out in western
Nebraska and I passed a place called Chimney Rock. When I saw it, I
thought it reminded me of something..... THEN LIKE A BOLT OF
LIGHTNING... it looked to me like a good place to put the Statue of
Liberty!
Now, you
are thinking, ''What made Flatline think that?'
I thought
about it because the news was full of stories about that bunch of AQ
(al-qaida/qaeda) thugs have been threatening to destroy our dear Lady!
It's simple I thought .... We'll just dynamite the top off of Chimney
Rock and put the Statue of Liberty in its place. It all made sense:
1) The property was already a national monument; 2) We could sell
the Chimney Rock bits to finance the move; 3) It is nearer the middle of
the country and more Americans would have a chance to see her; and, (and Ray
and Sharon...this is the most beautiful part!) terrorists would stand out like
a danged sore thumb in western Nebraska (if you have an accent out there, then
you got a gun pointed at your head!). It is too sweet!
Now, next
question...why the hurry? Well, I discovered today that Statue of Liberty
and Shit Out Of Luck have the same initials. We're going to be SOL if
don't move our SOL to Nebraska is what I think! It is some wierd
kind of Kharma Fate thing you think of because you have recently been
brain dead.......
Sincerely,
Flatline
PS
When I was in Nebraska I had the presence of thought to make a concept
drawing. It is attached. http://blogs.salon.com/0004367/images/2004/12/04/SOLaChimneyRockDrawing.jpg
PSS There is one option that I have thought of on this
plan. Swap the Statue of Liberty with the Top of Chimney Rock. It
would be a lot more expensive but what the hell... the U.S. is spending like
nuts now anyway! The appeal of this plan is that those AQ guys might hit
Chimney Rock in New York Harbor, but they are only gonna get five virgins in
heaven...not 70!
Sharon,
You remember how we are
trying to get me a crazy check with all these letters?
Well, I just re-read that
one I wrote on the Statue of Liberty……. Sharon,
it makes too much sense! If you show
that to the authorities, they are gonna think, “Yes. This guy is crazy….. CRAZY
LIKE A FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Then, two things are gonna
happen: 1) They are gonna deny my crazy
check; and 2) they are gonna steal my idea!
Sincerely,
Flatline
PS Some clouds have silver and gold
linings! I just thought of
something…. Let’s just say they DO think
I am CLAF…….. Let’s say they steal my
idea……. But if you and I have a copy of
this letter, then we can prove we thought of it first. Now, let’s say Osama Bin Laden heads out to
western Nebraska
to get the Statue of Liberty. Hah! Then he will be SOL and we will get 25
million dollars!
PSS This is just wishful thinking, Sharon. That bastard is dead and rotting! The best we are gonna do is a couple of mil
off one of his lieutenants who wanders into our trap! We’re still gonna have to work.
(NOTE:
Erase this note, BUT save a copy to put in a safe deposit box or under your
mattress. We might still make more money
off this than my crazy check!)
Sharon,
If men take those pregnancy
tests they advertise on TV, 99.9% of them are gonna turn out negative! So what we really need is a test that will
show if a guy got somebody pregnant…
then we would have something really good! (Is that right? You’re a nurse, so let me know….)
Sincerely,
Rick a.k.a. Flatline
PS That is the first time I have ever been
a.k.a.! I have been almost DOA and I
have been DUI. I was never AWOL but I
have been on TDY to the RVM and to the PI.
I really wanted to be BMOC at one time, but the best I did was AVP at
FRC after I was in the USAF! In school,
I was working on a Ph.D. but I only got an M.A., so WTF.
PSS Wait a minute! A DNA test would ID the PERP, right? YAHOO!
No need for a new test…….
Sharon,
I was sitting on my corner
today with that two-legged dog I found, and the franchise owner came up to me
and said he wanted his damn .46 cents!
He was pissed about the gold and diamond shit, too! He was really pissed, Sharon…..
Plus, it so happened that I was just getting set up and was a little
short at the time when he got there….
I offered the guy my
valuable dog…….. This dog was an
ex-movie star…… she was in that ‘Bow Wow
Sisterhood’ thing and that 'Milo and Toto’
thing , too, I think. So, I know that dog was worth more than the damn 46
cents I owed on the franchise. That guy
did not want to discuss it… (my dog was
barking like crazy at that guy, so I am not going to ask him to stay on as
President of the company!)
He was very loud and scared
the dog! I swear, Sharon, that dog knew
he was a crazy SOB who never watched dog movies, and, not wanting to be his
dog, she took off across Zorn Avenue (that was my paid-for-franchise spot!),
and threw herself into the path of an on-coming motorcycle. It was like some weird dog karma attraction……
she wanted to die a two wheeled (two-legged?) death! (The guy at the liquor store told me she lost
her leg …the second leg in a motorcycle accident. That’s where I got her, the liquor
store….. I forgot to ask where she lost
her other leg………)
But Sharon, now I am asking myself for real,
‘where could a dog lose a leg, besides in a motorcycle accident?’ I bet a Pit Bull chewed it off in a dog
fight…….. (Her first leg I mean… the one that nobody wants to talk about….)
Sincerely,
Flatline
PS Sharon,
have you ever seen a two-legged dog run?
Neither have I! Hah! (Sorry, that was a sick joke to ease the pain
of seeing a Movie Star get flattened by a Honda GoldWing….)
PSS The would-be WWFF (Will Work For Food) CEO
looked at my dead one-legged dog and just walked away! I have a feeling he and his CFO are not
animal lovers……… And they are not good money people, either, I bet!
PSSS The Wednesday night Board of Director’s
meeting is cancelled!
PSSSS Every week end on ESPN Golf, we speak of Dog
Legs…. But, yet, we will not speak of
THIS dog’s leg……!
7:16:44 PM 
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