More Bird Shit
Dear Sharon,
You see that article about the Zoo folks vaccinatin’ birds
for that West Nile virus?
Fools ……….. Them
birds ain’t gonna fly into the Department of Health Clinic to get a dang shot!
Just build a dang glass bubble over all the zoos if you want
to have some birds for people to see!
Sincerely,
Flatline
If you never heard of the
FBI Carnivore program, go read about it now on the internet.
________________________________________________________________
I Hope We Don’t Get Caught!
(A plot to discredit our Egyptian Allies and Muslim friends.)
TOP SECRET
(This is dang serious business!)
Sharon and Ray,
We might be in some serious trouble now! I wish I had never heard of the West Nile virus thing, I can tell you that! I should never have written those dang
letters to you either……..
I know you’re thinkin’ that Flat sounds like he is havin’ a
panic attack! And you would be, DANG
RIGHT! Let me tell you what happened……….
Sizemores, you all know that I have always been a patriot to
the bone! Dang! I am a decorated Vietnam veteran! I even got a letter from President Nixon
thanking me for my faithful service or somethin’.
But anyway, after I wrote you guys that first letter on the West Nile thing, I got a dictionary and tried to find out
how to spell that bug’s name! I checked
moskeeter and maskeeters and mostskeeters and moss-skeeters and skinny legged
bugs…. Finally I gave up and called a
guy in the science department at the U of L.
He said, “Flat, that’s a dang French word, you dumb-ass!” I hung up and checked mosquitoes! There you go!
But this is the weird part, guys….
I’m not sure if it is Brain Dead Related (BDR) or Post Vietnam Stress
Related Flashback Disorder Trauma (PVSRFDT), but I keep seeing Mosque Toes when
I read that word!
Brain dead people process stuff at the slower (they slow
down subliminal messages to meet their BPR (Brain Processing Rate) i.e.,
subliminal rate ( most people say higher speed but not true) so I see Moquitoes = Mosque Toes= makes me
think mosque=muslim thinks muslim is equal to bugs who are trying to kill
us! Just like that anthrax deal…… I see Thanx Ra …. Which reminds me of the
Egyptian god Ra and Egyptian people thankin’ him for a cow disease!
Now I got to really thinkin’ for a change…… I said, “Flat, what do you KNOW, and Flat,
what do you SUSPECT?” Well, I know the
government don’t think too well of Arabs and muslims right now and they got us
all spooked about it in a big way! Is
that why McDonalds put that pork sandwich on their menu (just before the 9/11
anniversary)? Yes! They hope no muslims will come in their
restaurants! So if a big company like
Mickey Ds is jumpin’ through hoops, then what about us little guys? I’m thinkin’ that we may have all fallen for
some tall tales! We might just be
thinkin’ that all our muslim brothers and sisters are a part of this deal when
they’re not (especially Egyptians)! The
word MOSQUITOES is all over the news these days and so is ANTHRAX……. So, I said, “Flat, could the government be
puttin’ subliminal messages on the TV every time we see one of these news
stories?????? Could all Americans be
seein’ what I see? Well, Sizemores,
don’t go on the internet and type in Mosque Toes or Thanx Ra! If you do, I think the FBI Carnivore guys
are goin’ to eat us all for lunch! I’m
getting’ a plane ticket to (I wish I could tell you but you guys might already
be CARNIVORED!), and I am gone tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because……..
I BELIEVE THERE IS A GOVERNMENT PLOT TO SCARE US INTO
BELIEVIN’ THAT EVERYTHING BAD IN THIS COUNTRY IS DUE TO RADICAL ISLAMICS!
EVEN LITTLE BUGS!
By the way, I heard that Enron guy is gonna’ tell the press
next week that his defense is he went to meet Osama Bin Laden back in 1994, and
Osama held a gun to his head and told him to concoct them bad oil deals or he
was gonna blow his brains out! And the
WorldCom guys are gonna’ say that the US
war in Afghanistan
caused Osama and his gang to stop using their cell phones, so they had to ‘cook
their books’!
Sizemores, this country has gone to hell in a hand
basket! Nobody is responsible for nothin’! We got so many fingers pointin’ at everybody
else, we can’t figure out what the heck is goin’ on!
But anyway, I only got one choice since the government is
goin’ to come lookin’ for me, Sharon…..
I am gonna’ march in the streets!
I am goin’ to picket every McDonalds in the USA with my sign….
MOSQUE
TOES IS NOT THE ENEMY!!!!!!
GIVE THANX TO RA!
SHALOM!
Will
Work For Small Gold Coins or Old Diamonds!
Pork
is unfriendly to Muslims!
Let’s all move to Western Nebraska!
(Buying Two-Legged Dogs!)
Sizemores, I am goin’ for world peace, I think…… then we won’t have to worry about the Statue
of Liberty, anymore…. Or the FBI
Carnivore guys and gals……
I just hope it ain’t too dang late!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck……..
Sincerely,
Flatline on the Flight line
TOP SECRET
(This is dang serious business!)
PS Will write when I can…….. (NOTE:
Erase this PS, but if the Carnivores got us then it don’t matter
anyway!)
Is My Dog Crazy?
Sharon and Ray,
My dog told me a story
today, and I am not sure I believe it….
Don’t tell me… You’re thinkin’, “Why wouldn’t Flat believe
his own dang dog?” Because this is not
your usual run-of-the-mill dog story, that’s why!
Anyway, do you know anything
about that guy in NY who killed a bunch of people a ways back? Son of Sam guy or somethin’? Said he had a dog or lived near a dog who
told him to shoot people? Well, that guy
was convicted of killin’ those guys because he was crazy! And he is in jail right now!
But get this…. My dog Willa (I call her Louie) told me that
her GGGGG grand-dad or somethin’ knew that Sam dog back in NY! She says her PawpawPawpaw (I guess that is a
fairly common name for GrandPaw dogs, unless your PawpawPawpaw only has 2
legs. Then you would just be Pawpaw, I
guess….) said that that Sam dog was a real nut…….
He was always seein’ cats
and rats and shit when there were no cats or nothin’ and stuff like that! One time old Sam told her GrandPaw to go down
to the corner and kill the ducks that hung around there every day. Her Pawpaw went there, but there were no
ducks. (Well, that’s because there ain’t no ducks in Brooklyn. I think the Chinese people in Brooklyn ate all them Peking Ducks years ago!)
But, here is where the story
gets weird, Sharon. Pawpaw says Sam talked a human neighbor,
named Dave, into buyin’ a gun! Old
Pawpaw actually heard Sam talkin’ to him day after day. Sam was sayin’ stuff like, “David, you need
to get you a snub nosed .38! David, you
need a bulldog .38! When ya gonna get
that .38, Dave? You got to protect
yourself from all those long dark haired girls and the guys who kiss em,
Dave! Pawpaw always thought that Sam
talked this guy into some crazy stuff!
And, then the news about the killings started……
So here is the question, Sharon! I think they got the wrong dang guy in
jail! They should have ‘collared’ the
dog! (Get it?) That Dave guy was tellin’ the truth! And that Sam dog reminds me of Charlie
Manson!
Sincerely,
Flatlined but not flattened!
PS But I am glad they got
that Dave guy too! What a dumbass!
PSS You can learn some stuff
from dogs if you learn to listen! But
you got to make sure you check their stories…….
6:30:14 PM 
|
