Someone is reading through my entire blog, page-by-page. I can see it on the referer page. It gives me the heebeejeebees. I feel like I have just handed in an assignment and it is being graded before my eyes. Except I never got beyond the rough draft. And I will never find out about my grade.

I am an ambivalent blogger. Blogging is a good exercise for me. I consider it a semi-public activity, really more semi than public. I never made an effort to attract a lot of readers.

You don't need to read it all. Really. I am ok with that.  3:32:01 PM    
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I am challenging myself.

I have resolved to get up at 5 AM every day. That way, I can be at my desk by 5:30 and work until 7:30 when my crew gets up. This is not easy for me at all. I am not a morning person, not at all. It is very hard for me to get up. But somehow that makes it easier: Because it is hard to get up for me regardless of when I get up, whether it is at 5 or at 10.

This will be hard but I know I can do it. I did it today and it was hard. It will be hard every day. But I see no other way to get anything done. For myself.

I have fallen into a nice rhythm lately. Three to four days a week, I do my work-for-hire from 9 AM to 2 or 3 or 4 PM (depending on what my daughter is doing for afterschool). Then I go pick her up. I walk. It is a brisk 25 minute walk, along the park, my daily exercise. When we come back, I do chores around the house. If we come back late I get started on dinner right away. Between 4 and 5 my husband and my little one come back. She goes to child care at the College where he teaches.

Next Monday is her last day. It suddenly hit me a couple of days ago that summer is upon me. And summer means even less time for me, for my work and for myself. My husband said, when he is at home, of course, we will divide the time and I will have time to work. Judging from past summers I am cautiously optimistic. We will see how it will go.

I don't want to do my work-for-hire in the evening unless I have a pressing deadline. By the time kids are tucked in, kitchen is cleaned up and lunch-boxes are made, it is usually around 9 PM. Then I may look at the paper and go to my desk, but I usually don't get much done. I may pay bills, write some e-mails, do this or that, do a little research. Generally, I feel I should be working but I don't get much accomplished.

If I get up at 5 AM I can have two hours of good work time and a guilt-free evening. Go upstairs at 10, read, lights off by 11. I can do this. I have had similar routines before, when compelled by circumstances or when I set myself a goal I needed to accomplish. I can do this.

It was still dark this AM. I watched it get light. I got a lot done. I was very focussed and wrote 2 pages. It would be excellent if I could write two pages every day.  1:14:17 PM    
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