Tuesday, January 18, 2005

J.K. Rowling is the glistering Ungoliant asquat the publishing world, and I mean that in the best sense

Now that the pub date for Her Soylent Majesty's 6th book has been announced, blogworld is abuzz with speculation on the plot. Who lives? Who dies? Who cares! We at e·nar·en are bored to tears by all the obsessing over a book we won't be able to read until July. Here, then, are our predictions for Book 7.

1) Harry does not die.
No narrative force. She would have had to set this up by book 5 at the latest. And didn't.

2) Therefore, Voldemort's destruction turns Harry into a squib.
Harry and Voldemort are inseparably twined. Rowling beats us over the head with this at every possible opportunity: Harry shares Voldilock's power. During the climactic mano e mano showdown, Harry must choose to destroy the man who killed his parents at the cost of slamming the door shut on the wizarding world. I presume this is why HSM inflicts those painful Dursley sequences on us every book. Harry's muggle relatives shall serve to reestablish him in Mundania when he's no longer able to wave his wand with the rest of wizardkind.

Think bittersweet Frodo ending. Think mass book burnings and general outrage if Our Hero dies or things are "too easy". Think of the fetid masses churning and spawning a legion of boy-wizard novel writers on an unsuspecting world. And have mercy on us, Oh Deathless Spider-Queen.

10:00:12 PM    comment []

Saveen Ter Prise

Quote:
I gave up on Enterprise halfway into the first season. I enjoyed Star Trek V'ger when I stopped thinking of it as Star Trek. I gave up on DS9 when it turned into a Bajoran soap opera, but the turning point to suck came in Star Trek the Next Generation when they had that retarded episode, Force of Nature [tvtome.com], that warp drive was wearing out the fabric of spacetime. I think they ignored it after a while, the way they ignored the Organians after the first Klingon episode in classic Trek. Doctor Flox is even more annoying that Neelix. So killing Enterprise would be a mercy. Though I think they could save the show by having Six of Nine hot oil wrestle with T'Pol in a remake of "Gamesters of Triskelion" using time travel to grab competitors. I'd wager 30 quatloos on that.
-- Ranger, "Gave Up A Long Time Ago

9:15:20 PM    comment []