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THE CENTER FOR THIRD AGE NEWSLETTER – JUNE 2009
1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS
2. INTRODUCTION TO “ILLUSIONS”
3. HERON DANCE – TO LIVE LIFE GUIDED BY LOVE
4. JUNG, INDIVIDUATION & THIRD AGE
5. OLD AGE: JOURNEY INTO SIMPLICITY
6. ELSA & FRED
7. THIS MONTH'S LINKS
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THIS MONTH’S QUOTE – ROBERT BROWNING
“Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made...”
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1. FATHER WILLIAM’S MONTHLY MUSINGS
June Greetings, Good Friends...
I know, I know. This newsletter is very late this month. I have excuses like traveling back from New Zealand, attending and over-partying at daughter Kate’s Master’s graduation, selling and moving from our condo and setting up a home to welcome lovely Donna into. I am not good at most of these and would like to whine longer, but I doubt you’ll buy much more. So onto what you may be interested in...
Having worked on my personal “Third Age Transformation” for the last eight years, I’ve come to accept my journey from Second Age to Third lies in recognizing, embracing and living a particular paradox. This entails developing a strong and whole ego so I can then reduce its role in my life. The details follow.
A major work of our Second Age is to complete a healthy development of the ego, that is, to have sufficient life success to feel we’ve done and been “enough” on whichever dimensions we have made important to ourselves. In my case, these included feeling appreciated as personally attractive and strong, feeling valued for my intelligence and wit, and feeling a part of long and loving relationships. Note the over-emphasis on “feeling” here. This is because it is what the ego “feels” or believes that creates its reality – and its sense of success.
You might want to take a moment to acknowledge the dimensions that are important to your ego, even if they’re unattractive to you. I certainly had trouble owning my enormous needs for attention and applause, but, once I did, I could go after what I wanted much more directly.
I remember when this happened for me. I was teaching high school English, and I wanted the kids to think I was a fantastic teacher. Before I could admit this to myself, I was unconsciously over-rewarding the ones who flattered me and subtly punishing the ones who criticized. One day it hit me, and I said to the students, “You know what I really want? As each class ends, I want you all to rise to your feet applauding and saying things like, ‘Oh, thank you, Mr. Idol, you’ve changed my life!’” Now owning up didn’t make me stop wanting this, but, by turning it into a public joke, I gained a much greater degree of conscious choice about how much I’d let it manipulate me. And my admission gave us all permission for greater personal honesty.
So in Second Age my ego insisted on being “A Big Deal.” Fortunately, I realized I could help guide its development by being aware of what it cried out for and helping it find healthy ways to get what it needed. As I turned 60, my ego had evolved enough, thank heaven, to let me open to the possibilities of Third Age.
But opening to possibilities is one thing; following the path of those possibilities is quite another and has taken old FW another eight years.
That’s because my version of evolving into Third Age requires moving from my ego’s “wanting to be recognized as so very, very special” to my Self’s “relaxing into full participation in my total ordinariness.” As you might guess, my ego is having some problems with this.
The Catch-22 is, of course, that the ego resists its relegation from being the “Big Deal Self” to only an agent serving the real Self. The strength of this resistance is directly proportionate to how much of ourselves we’ve put into “amounting to something” as teacher, consultant or ex-President. I certainly put a lot of myself into the many roles I played, and this is why my evolution from ego-identity to Self-identity is taking so long.
Recently I’ve noticed how many levels there are to this journey, and like peeling back the layers of an onion, there are often tears involved. I’m realizing any illusion of superiority occurring in any form is another grasping attempt by my ego to hold on to what it believes it had before. This nonsense includes feeling superior because I’ve become more “ordinary” or because...
“The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made...”
Comparisons, especially “best’s,” are superiority’s bread and butter – take them all with a grain of salt, a sense of humor and a big dose of compassion for your struggling ego.
You’ll find ways to think about all this in Richard Bach’s delightful “Introduction to Illusions” (#2), Rod MacIver’s recent issue of Heron Dance (#3)and an adaptation of Robert Gray’s “Ericksonian Approaches to the Ego-Self Axis” (#4). Each offers a different perspective on what letting go and relaxing into the mundane makes possible. Of course, the Oneness turns out to be both sublime and mundane (since Oneness = oneness) - it takes a great deal of spaciousness to accept such a reversal of Second Age reality...
Happy Early Summer, Father William
PS: As you travel this path to your true Self, it helps to remember these words from “Desiderata”:
“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should...”
For more of Father William:
http://www.fatherwilliam.org/
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2. INTRODUCTION TO “ILLUSIONS”
A BOOK BY RICHARD BACH
There was a master come unto the earth, born in the holy land of Indiana, raised in the mystical hills east of Fort Wayne.
The Master learned of this world in the public schools of Indiana, and as he grew, in his trade as a mechanic of automobiles.
But the Master had learnings from other lands and other schools, from other lives that he'd lived. He remembered these, and remembering became wise and strong, so that others saw his strength and came to him for counsel.
The Master believed that he had power to help himself and all mankind, and as he believed so it was for him, so that others saw his power and came to him to be healed of their troubles and their many diseases.
The Master believed that it is well for any man to think upon himself as a son of God, and as he believed, so it was, and the shops and garages where he worked became crowded and jammed with those who sought his learning and his touch; and the streets outside with those who longed only that the shadow of his passing might fall upon them, and change their lives.
It came to pass, because of the crowds, that the several foremen and shop managers bid the Master leave his tools and go his way, for so tightly was he thronged that neither he nor other mechanics had room to work upon the automobiles.
So it was that he went into the countryside, and people following begin to call him Messiah, and worker of miracles; and as they believed, it was so.
If a storm passed as he spoke, not a rain drop touched a listener’s head; and the last of the multitude heard his words as clearly as the first, no matter lightning nor thunder in the sky about. And always he spoke to them in parables.
And he said unto them, "Within each of us lies the power of our consent to health and to sickness, to riches and to poverty, to freedom and to slavery. It is we who control these, and not another."
A mill-man spoke and said, "Easy words for you, Master, for you are guided as we are not, and need not toil as we toil. A man has to work for his living in this world."
The Master answered and said, "Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river.
"The current of the river swept silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.
"Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.
"But one creature said at last, ‘I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.'
"The other creatures laughed and said,' Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!'
"But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.
"Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.
"And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger cried,' See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!'
"And the one carried in the current said,' I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.'
"But they cried the more,' Savior!' all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Savior."
And it came to pass when he saw that the multitude thronged him the more day on day, tighter and closer and fiercer than ever they had, when he saw that they pressed them to heal them without rest, and feed them always with his miracles, to learn for them and to live their lives, he went alone that day on to a hilltop apart, and there he prayed.
And he said in his heart, Infinite Radiant Is, if it be they will, let this cup pass from me, let me lay aside this impossible task. I cannot live the life of one other soul, yet ten thousand cry to me for life. I'm sorry I allowed it all to happen. If it be thy will, let me go back to my engines and my tools and let me lived as other men.
And a voice spoke to him on the hilltop, a voice neither male nor female, loud nor soft, a voice infinitely kind. And the voice said unto him, "Not my will, but thine be done, for what is thy will is mine for thee. Go thy way as other men, and be thou happy on the earth."
And hearing, the Master was glad, and gave thanks and came down from the hilltop humming a little mechanic’s song. And when the throng pressed him with its woes, beseeching him to heal for it and learn for it and feed it nonstop from his understanding and entertain it with his wonders, he smiled upon the multitude and said pleasantly unto them, "I quit."
For a moment the multitude was stricken dumb with astonishment.
And he said unto them, "If a man told God that he wanted most of all to help the suffering world, no matter the price to himself, and God answered and told him what he must do, should the man do as he was told?"
"Of course, Master!" cried the many. "It should be pleasure for him to suffer the tortures of hell itself, should God ask it!"
"No matter what those tortures, nor how difficult the task?"
"Honor to be hanged, glory to be nailed to a tree and burned, if so be that God has asked," said they.
"And what would you do," the Master said unto the multitude, "if God spoke directly to your face and said,' I command that you be happy in the world, as long as you live.' What would you do then?"
And the multitude was silent, not a voice not a sound was heard upon the hillsides, across the valleys where they stood.
And the Master said unto the silence, "In the path of our happiness shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime. So it is that I have learned this day, and choose to leave you now to walk your own path, as you please."
And he went his way through the crowds and left them, and he returned to the everyday world of men and machines.
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3. HERON DANCE – TO LIVE LIFE GUIDED BY LOVE
BY RODERICK MACIVER, APRIL 30, 2009
At least two different warblers have arrived over the last week or so in the Adirondack woods: the Chestnut-sided (listen here) and Magnolia Warblers (listen here). Almost all of the birds you hear singing are male but there are at least three exceptions: Cardinals, Red-winged Blackbirds, and Orioles. As they have for about 180 million years, black fly larvae will emerge as adults as soon as the recently cool weather warms — which is anticipated later this week.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live life guided by love. I’ve got a long, long way to go but every day I’m trying to get a little further down the path. Love is a simple and obviously profound word, and in part that’s why I like it. I need something I can boil right down because I fall so easily off track.
I remember an inmate who had been in prison a very long time saying in an interview — it may even been one of the inmate interviews I did in the early days of Heron Dance — that “I love you” is one phrase we humans never tire of hearing. An Op-Ed article in the New York Times last week, by David Brooks, described a 72-year study of 268 men who attended Harvard College. They were gifted, affluent and apparently well-adjusted. It is a fascinating article (visit here to view), and the conclusion of the man who oversaw the work for 42 years was that “Love is happiness. Full stop.” The degree of happiness in a person’s life depends on the quality of human relationships.
Yes, I agree, but there is more to it than just human relationships. The degree of love we are able to pour into a work — for instance, a creative work — or even a place — for instance, a wild place or a community — affects the quality of our lives. Pouring love into a home even has an expansive effect: — creating a home of peace and beauty, a simple home, a home where others — strangers, friends and family — feel comfortable and at peace, contributes to the quality of a human life.
To build a life around love requires thought and care. You need to be rested. You can’t fill yourself with love when you are overtired and grouchy. You need to live a low stress life, a life with a margin in reserve — a financial margin, an energy margin. You need to put understanding and acceptance ahead of winning conflicts or prevailing in disputes. A life built around love probably involves a fair amount of surrender over relatively minor issues.
You also need to minimize the number of moving parts. When I’m going in lots of different directions or responsible for lots of different projects, I can’t find love inside myself and can’t offer it to others or even to my work. All of these things have some relationship with one’s friendship with oneself and, perhaps, as a part of that, a relationship to time in reflection and quiet meditation.
The Op-Ed piece also contains these observations: “A third of the men would suffer at least one bout of mental illness. Alcoholism would be a running plague. The most mundane personalities often produced the most solid success.” Mundane? We can’t be what we’re not. I’m not mundane and don’t want to be, but I have a very happy life. I love adventure, challenge, and learning. I’m fascinated by life. But balance is another thing. I often struggle for balance. I’m prone to extremes. When I’m living a balanced life — work and play, physical exercise and rest, the paddle down a wild river and then the return home to a quiet evening — I’m most able to find the love inside myself and offer it to the world.
In celebration of the Great Dance of Life,
http://www.herondance.org/A-Pause-for-Beauty-C65_category.aspx
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4. JUNG, INDIVIDUATION & THIRD AGE
Adapted from “Ericksonian Approaches to the Ego-Self Axis” presented by Robert D. Gray at St. Francis College, Brooklyn, NY. June 5,1997.
Jungian theory suggests there exists in each individual a natural direction of personal development. Wilson Van Dusen called this our “Natural Depths.” Every life, from the moment it is born, seeks this potential and is naturally drawn to it. It represents the full realization of our genetic, intellectual, and spiritual potential. Jung called this path Individuation.
WE USE THE FIRST PART OF LIFE TO DEVELOP THE EGO
Typically, the time from birth to adulthood is developmentally aimed at the production of a stable ego, that is, a relatively consistent representation of the Self and the focus for consciousness. Until its stabilization in early adulthood, the ego is driven and drawn, molded and founded in unconscious process.
MATURITY BEGINS OUR PROCESS OF INDIVIDUATION & EGO-SELF SEPARATION
With maturity, each person begins the move towards individuation in which the projections of unconscious process (and with them the possibility of personal growth) are brought increasingly under conscious control. What had been unconscious is now brought into the realm of consciousness and the individual is led to fulfill the potential that lay dormant in the primitive psyche. This is the path of individuation in which the individual becomes increasingly conscious of his own potential and the directions it implies.
If we truly mature, in later Second Age the ego begins to recognize it is not the Self (who we are at the highest and deepest levels) and accepts its role as an agent working for the Self to manage our interactions with the world.
IN THIRD AGE WE FULLY RECOGNIZE & REALIZE OUR TRUE SELF
Classical Jungian psychology held that individuation was the course laid out for the latter part of life. If we can relax into our Third Age, we find there is accessible to each of us a path which represents the highest good and the fullest realization of our potential – a road of maximum benefit for which all of our personal biology yearns and which, when found, moves life into high gear. It is the “Bliss” referred to by Joseph Campbell in the oft repeated, and little understood maxim "Follow your bliss." When we open to and follow our personal paths of individuation, our unique Natural Depths come into full bloom, and we experience life in ways never before possible!
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