Tuesday, September 13, 2005

perspective. I'm a pain in the ass. At my most weary and confused, I can be reluctant to accept sensible counsel from anyone, no matter how graciously they give it. But there's a trick to it. If you let me babble long enough, I'll realize how absurd I sound. Then anything you say to me about reason I've failed to see, or hope I've failed to grasp -- well, I'll be ready for it. The problem comes when I won't babble. I hold everything in or force everyone away, and retreat to some space where nothing and no one can tell me I'm wrong. See? Pain in the ass. This has been a year of big changes and realizations in my life. Some of them have been great, and some of them have been convicting. But I'm determined to see them all through until my path is clear. I don't know when that will be. I know my mom reads stuff like this and worries. I know my friends read it and either nod or say, "What? She was just telling the zero and the eight joke and dancing to the Beatles a second ago! From whence cometh the angst?" I wish I knew! Maybe it's just arrested development. Maybe it's an epiphany. All I know is that my words and my faith and my family and friends are my ebenezers in the storm. When all else fails, they stand firm. I have nothing to write about tonight. I feel buoyed on some fronts, discouraged on others, angry on still others, and fiercely desirous of change for this world and for me. But I can't make it sound meaningful or poetic. I just need a little love. Fortunately, in my life, for all my turmoil, it's not too hard to come by, even when I am sad and uninspiring.. Unlike sleep. 11:03:57 PM    build me up, buttercup... []

© Copyright 2005 Meg Fowler. Last update: 9/14/2005; 6:31:48 PM.