that I don't understand how the stock market works.
that I nearly blinded a man with a jujube.
that I have never caught a fish bigger than my hand.
that I felt horribly guilty when I tugged that little fish out of the sea.
- that I used to have dreams that people turned into wolves when I turned my back on them.
that I have never been to see Disneyland or Disneyworld or a chiropractor.
that I add too much salt and lemon to almost everything.
that I have hugged many a tree.
that I felt a strong maternal affinity towards a small raccoon kit wearing a styrofoam cup on his head.
that I didn't know baby raccoons were called "kits" until this evening.
that I suck at putting Ikea furniture together.
- that I know how to hotwire a car and how to pick a lock.
that I sometimes laugh when I am supposed to cry in movies and cry when I am supposed to laugh.
that I love, love, love going to the symphony.
that I will play a fun little game online and think I've gotten a super-high score, but when I check the actual high scores, I am always about a million points short of making the leaderboard.
that I read the ends of books before I am even halfway through the rest.
that I should learn when to shut up.
that I should learn when to speak up.
that I can't remember my Latin declensions to any significant degree.
that I wish I had a Master's degree.
that I should pay more attention.
that I hate disappointing my parents, but I fear it less each year.
that I skip past Franz Ferdinand to listen to Neil Diamond.
that I spend too much time Googling.
that I want to be swept off of my feet.
that I believe most women could really use a better bra.
that I am too all-or-nothing.
that I sat in box seats at a Britney Spears concert.
that I am stricken by muffin lust.
that I am hard to surprise, but easy to startle.
that I love white cotton sheets, 600 thread count.
that I have indeed shaken it like a Polaroid picture.
that I know you shouldn't shake Polaroid pictures.
that I don't always have the most outstanding instincts.
that I know the words to every last one of the American patriotic anthems, but have no memory of learning them.
that I like french fries more than carrot sticks.
that I would rather be yelled at than ignored.
- that I enjoy the word boondoggle.
that I know I can sing better and louder than I let on.
that I write screenplays in my head.
that I am not sure whether it was the stream of curse words or the spritz of Windex that killed the spider tonight.
- that I really do need to buy some shoes.
that laughing at the stars with Connor was one of the purest moments of happiness I will ever know.
that I agitate more than I meditate.
that I fall in love with the idea of a man before the reality.
that I don't know if I'll ever be a triathlete.
that I am resistant to editing on occasion.
that I turn up the music on my iPod and twirl on darkened streets with groceries flying and hair streaming and heart on fire.
that I am okay with being alone most of the time.
that I am too sensitive to words and too insensitive with how I use them.
that I envy the fish in the sea.
that sometimes my body aches and I am too scared to find out why.
that I never want to get out of the sun.
that I sometimes get bored and turn off the hockey game.
that babies are often the only audience I care to impress.
that I get kind of tired of Tom Hanks.
that I wandered for five miles in the chill rain -- without coat, umbrella, or hat -- just to avoid the warm, salty sensation of tears running down my face.
that I have an inordinate desire to receive email.
- that I overuse the term gong show, as well as fiasco.
that I wish people played Trivial Pursuit more often.
that I like dancing more than walking.
that I sometimes contemplate never writing again when I read something beautiful someone else has written.
that I sometimes feel a strange burning in my heart that reminds me to be thankful.
that I always forget to take my full breaks at work.
that I hate having things in my iBook trash.
that I don't understand the appeal of Ultimate Fighting.
that I have an overdeveloped conscience.
that I dropped a bag of coffee on the floor tonight by accident and apologized to the bag of coffee before I knew what I was doing.
that I think Gwyneth Paltrow is vastly overrated.
that I think Janeane Garofalo is vastly underrated.
that I am far, far too in love with making lists.
that I have no intention of giving that up.
that I think -- if you made it this far -- you might think I'm nuts.
that I know for a fact you are at least 50% correct.
