Saturday, December 31, 2005

random thoughts to (almost) end out a random year. I'll post again tonight -- the final BlogCabin entry of the year. But for now, I'm just sitting in a coffee shop, trying to be normal and get a little (non-blog) writing done. I should really be at home in bed, but I know if I do that, I won't sleep tonight. I just attempted to go see a doctor (twice in a month? wow!) to see to my current ailment, which appears (without medical confirmation) to be a kickass bout of sinusitis. My roommate was sem-horrified to note that the bridge of my nose (which is a cute nose, even after multiple breaks) is, well, swollen rather oddly due to a major inflammation of the sinuses underneath. Add to that some high-level congestion, a fever that drifts between 101 and 102, a sore thoat, and generally nightmarish pain all over my face, and you get the fifth (?!) ailment to fell me in the last two months. My mother is incredulous. So am I, Mom, so am I. She finds it all rather unbelievable -- not in the "I don't believe you" sense, because the problem has physical evidence -- but in the WHAT?!? sense. We could debate for hours (and all my friends have, believe me... once while sitting en masse at the end of my bed) why I keep getting sick (weak immune system? not drinking enough water? not eating properly? not sleeping enough? hanging out with sick people? not wearing enough clothing out-of-doors? sharing popsicles with sniffly toddlers?). At the end of the day, it's probably a combination of multiple factors, none of which seem to be immediately evident as the direct cause of my sickly ways. I am a very robust, strong, energetic person, believe me. I am prone to bugs and clumsiness, but this isn't normal. Anyway, back to the doctor's office: the parking lot is filled with fire trucks and an ambulance, and they are doing a major evacuation of someone who had a seizure or attack of some sort while in the clinic. It looks a little complicated and they aren't letting patients in at all. So I'll try again in a bit. I'm pretty sure they close at 3 today, so we shall see. What a horrible New Year's beginning for whoever that is. I said a prayer for them as soon as I saw an older woman crying outside next to one of the firemen. My giant nose and snuffled breathing suddenly seem very minor. Oh! And my wrist feels about 80% perfect, a week ahead of schedule. How cool is that? Other thoughts: Those of you that are parents, how do you feel about people trying to entertain and engage your kids in public places? I don't mean in any sinister sense, but in the sense that people will tickle babies and make faces at toddlers. I watched an old man doing magic tricks for a little girl today, right here in the coffee shop. Her dad was smiling and getting her baby brother to look as well, but the mother looked utterly uncomfortable with the fact that there was a stranger communicating with her kids. When I was little, my mother had to become okay with such things (on some level, at least) because of the nature of her husband's job. Ministers' kids become public property of a sort, since every old biddy in the congregation feels both entitled and compelled to lavish affection on/lend support to/chastise the children that climb around in the pews nearby. Especially those that belong to the Pastor and His Wife. Because they should be Good Children. Right? Well, we were. My parents were lovely, open, thoughtful parents who raised us to be respectful, polite, real, and happy. And to be okay with random people interacting with us (for the most part -- we both have our shy moments, even now). As long as my mom had us in her sights (or there was someone else around that she trusted), she was okay with me sitting with the old man in the very back of the sanctuary with the pocketful of mints and an enthralling ability to pull coins out of his ear. Especially because I was propped up in plain view on six hymnals. I loved that guy. But that is not every parent's experience, nor every child's experience, and few places offer as controlled an enviroment as that succession of churches did. So what do you guys do? If you let your kid run around in a restaurant and some nice old lady offers them a toy from her purse, do you make them give it back, just so that they know not to take one from a less-savoury character down the line? If you have your baby on your hip and someone behind you in the grocery line is making faces at them, do you turn your child the other way? If an old man breaks off a chunk of his cookie and offers it to your toddler, do you take the crumbled mess out of your toddler's hands while he looks on, hurt? Does it make you feel awkward, or do you even care? Are there lines people can cross (besides the obvious) that put your on your guard? You could say that strangers are less trustworthy than they used to be, but that's not even true. Parents may be more aware of dangers now, but things happened to our grandmothers and grandfathers that we fear happening to our kids now. If anything, children are educated about self-empowerment and protection more now than ever before. But what messages do you send them in order to balance that need for protection and the need to make them functional members of public society? To teach them how to relate to, and appreciate others? When I think about all these questions, I pat my empty belly and say "later, later, not yet." Whew. And my other little tangent is about proposals, since someone I love received one this morning (accepted, too!). Ladies (or gents) in the crowd out there, how did you receive that all-important question? Were you shocked? Did it go the way you thought it would? Or had you never even considered the possibility? Men (or women) in the crowd out there, did you propose on impulse? With tons of planning? With grand ceremony and intricacy, or with simplicity? And if you've never proposed or received a proposal, do you even care how it goes down? How does anyone even know it's the right time? How long should you be engaged or date beforehand? Does it even matter? I think I used to have grand ideas about such things, but they've dulled with the passing years. This is my theory now: I will never push someone to propose to me. I'd rather just ask them myself. If I'm shocked that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with me when they ask (not just shocked by the timing or the moment or the magnitude of the whole gesture), then we probably have a bit of a breakdown in communication. I don't need a giant ring or a giant moment or a huge wedding and PLEASE not in an expensive restaurant because I won't taste a thing after you ask and why are we spending all this money not to enjoy our meal, honey? I do kinda like the bended knee thing. Call me a dork. There is no perfect length of relationship or engagement or level of sureness that means something will work. You just gotta try and try hard and do and do and do. What a random collection of thoughts this post is! Usually this is the kind of post I'd delete because it doesn't fit into my little framework of what should go in this space or seem like something to put up for posterity. But hell -- it's the last day of the year. Let it lie, I say. Oh, one more thought: Madonna's voice drives me El Bonko. 2:27:29 PM    well, yes, but...  [] which? (updated with my preferences...) ocean or lake? (though both are nice, only one holds my heart) apple or orange? dilbert or doonesbury? mozart or bach? fireplace or furnace? road trip or all-inclusive? hug or handshake? (agreed, it does depend on who it is) sunrise or sunset? peach or nectarine? cat or dog? (depends on the cat or dog in question...) convertible or pickup truck? work to live or live to work? alone or with friends? rain or snow? sushi or pad thai? reggae or punk? summer or winter? believe or disprove? (i believe those two things are fundamentally linked) stony silence or impassioned arguing? (i'm becoming much better at the former) for now or forever? blanket or duvet? james taylor or paul simon? miles davis or wynton marsalis? stay in or go out? dance or watch? vinyl or CD? mac or PC? Curious, I guess. Don't justify; decide. 12:30:56 AM    well, yes, but...  []

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