Thursday, February 23, 2006

likes to talk to organized, is very people. It's reference season. If you're not a university-aged kid or someone who deals with a lot of university-aged kids, you might not know this. But we are smack-dab in the middle of the time of year when college program applications are closing, when creamy summer jobs are being secured, and gazillions of businesses and institutions are calling around to find out if their applicants a) suck or b) don't suck. Those are really the only two options. But we couch them in words like "needs to work on..." and "highly motivated" and "looks really good with lifeguard shorts on." (I've never said that, I swear. ) I used to be in charge of an organization that did -- and still does -- a mass of summer hiring, and I can recall endlessly phoning around to try and make sense of hundreds and hundreds of pages of really vague recommendations. Not to mention that I was always a giver of references, too, for my old staffers and random kids who attended my camp. Want to go to Yale? Get Meg to write you a glowing letter touting your community involvement. Want to get into law school? Ask Meg if she'll write on the photocopied form that you are exceptionally organized and enjoy playing hi li (you do?) My friends -- not just my former employees, although the twain often does meet, actually -- know they can always count on me to give them a thoughtful review or say something nice to calm the fears of a Starbucks manager, who, contrary to what you might think, doesn't want to hear that someone is good with customers. They want to hear that their applicant doesn't often burn themselves with hot liquids. Truth be told, I think everyone was pretty thrilled when I resigned as program director, because that meant that they could now put me down as a reference for that organization, too. But the thing is, after you've filled out dozens of forms and answered bajillions of phone calls -- and especially if you've had to call other people and get them to do the same -- you start to get a little sick of the lingo. I call it Positivity Fatigue. I don't know how many times you can utter the words "motivated" and "strong work ethic" or "facing some challenges" before you want to chew on your own arm, but I'm running out of creative ways to say, "just freaking hire them, already" or "please, for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT LET THIS PERSON INTO YOUR BUILDING." So I get a little mixed up and/or creative, just to see if anyone is paying attention. Why, just last night, I told someone that I was an alma mater of the university to which they were applying for medical school. That's right -- I am that university. I didn't just go there. It took me three hours to remember the word "alumni." I also informed someone calling from an office supply store in a tiny town in Northern BC that their interviewee "loves a good pen." Not to mention the day-care provider who asked if the lovely young woman applying to provide afterschool care "could effectively embrace their inner child." "Well, maybe if the little sucker stood still long enough..." Heh. But my very favourite kind of manager is the one that is obviously working through a umpteen-page document from Corporate HQ and refuses to budge from the boundaries of a structured query. "You know what, you can probably skip a lot of this. I gotta tell you, this kid will work really hard and get the job done." I say this to put them at ease, but then I hear the awkward throat-clearing on the other end of the line. "We'll get to that on Form Three. For now, let's stick with extracurricular activities." "Where did you say you were from, again?" "Circle K." Let's be real here, people. Does it matter that your future night clerk plays classical piano and can conjugate Latin verbs, or do you really just want someone who can clean the nacho cheese pump effectively? Come April, this will all be over. But for now? I refuse to use the term "team player" one more time. 7:22:13 AM    well, yes, but...  []

© Copyright 2006 Meg Fowler. Last update: 3/4/06; 2:32:48 PM.