Thursday, April 14, 2005

POPE 2005 – Decision at the Vatican Things appear to be getting ugly in the battle for Pope reports Fox "news". Guido Sarducci (Italy) has been accused of reading "The DaVinci Code" and really liking it, calling it a "gripping page-turner".   This has definitely hurt his credibility with the more hard line Cardinals. This story was reportedly leaked by someone known only as Monsignor Rove who works behind the scenes in the Christoph Schoenborn (Austria) camp. Dionigi Tettamanzi (Italy) supporters have been reportedly using strong arm tactics and voter intimidation at the ballot box. There have been reports of Cardinals being told that they could be sent back to the hell-hole countries that they came from if they tried to vote. Francis Arinze of Nigeria has been allegedly involved in the sending out of spam emails asking for help in moving $24 million belonging to his dead Uncle out of Nigeria and into the US.  Monsignor Rove has been linked to this story as well. Long shot Ted Crilly (Ireland) was reported to have placed a 50 Euro bet on himself with the Irish bookies at 1000 to 1 to become Pope. Cardinals were unsure whether this would disqualify Crilly from becoming Pope and whether he could be banned from the Vatican Hall of Fame. As for some of the other non-European candidates one Cardinal was overheard saying “A Pope from South or Central America, yeah right, like that would ever happen.”  As for Ivan Dias of India an unnamed Cardinal said “They’ve got over a billion people there, we had to at least pick a candidate for show.” 6:26:48 PM      Throw Me A Bone []

BREAKING NEWS In an historic game of religious one-upsmanship Archbishop Iakovos, 93, former Leader of the Greek Orthodox Church in the Americas, died April 10th.  "The Catholics were getting all of the press recently and the Archbishop thought something needed to be done to bring public awareness back to the Orthodox church" a church elder said.  American religious leader Jerry Falwell said that he would also die in order to swing the media back to the Evangelicals, "As long as enough people donated to the church" he added.   7:38:52 AM      Throw Me A Bone []

© Copyright 2005 Michael Doughten. Last update: 5/1/2005; 1:51:01 PM.