Monday, May 02, 2005

Film Noir Quotes Revealed! 1. “Frank... is a very sick and dangerous man (Blue Velvet – Kyle MacLachlan, 1986) 2. “Experience has taught me never to trust a policeman. Just when you think one's all right, he turns legit.”(The Asphalt Jungle – Sam Jaffe, 1950) 3. “Yeah, top spot. And I'm just one punch away.” (The Set-Up – Robert Ryan, 1949) 4. “I should have been a chiropractor.” (Apartment Zero - Hart Bochner, 1988) 5. “You know, a dame with a rod is like a guy with a knitting needle.” (Out Of The Past – Steve Brodie, 1947) 6. "And after I pull off that miracle, maybe I'll go punch out God." (Sin City - Bruce Willis, 2005) 7. “You know what he'll do when he comes back? Beat my teeth out, then kick me in the stomach for mumbling.” (The Big Sleep – Humphrey Bogart, 1946) 8. "I was the only guy who disagreed with the cops - and I had brain damage." (Memento - Guy Pearce, 2000) 9. “You know, the trouble with women is they ask too many questions. They should spend all their time just being beautiful.” (Dead Reckoning – Humphrey Bogart, 1947) 10. “The people, Eddie, the people! Don't tell me about the people, Eddie. The people sit in front of their little TVs with their bellies full of beer and fall asleep." (The Harder They Fall – Rod Stieger, 1956) 11. “You know, you remind me of an old Egyptian girlfriend of mine. The Sphinx.” (Macao – Robert Mitchum, 1952) 12. "I don't think they let people like me carry guns." (Memento - Guy Pearce, 2000) 13. "If a man looked at a woman's mouth before her eyes, he'd get fooled a lot less." (Trouble In Mind - Kris Kristofferson, 1985) 14. “You shouldn't kiss a girl when you're wearing that gun... leaves a bruise!” (Murder My Sweet – Claire Trevor, 1944) 15. “This is a snakeskin jacket! And for me it's a symbol of my individuality, and my belief... in personal freedom.” (Wild At Heart – Nicolas Cage, 1990) 11:11:40 PM      Throw Me A Bone []

Dear Ouzo – The Advice Column for Dogs (and the occasional human).   You want me up to do what!   Dear Ouzo, I just can’t seem to get the attention of the Greyhound next store.  I love the way he walks, so sleek and fluid, what a stud.  He’s just so hot but I can’t seem to get the time of day with him.  He’s always off looking at squirrels and stuff.   Frustrated Fluffy.   Dear FF, Have you tried rolling in something that smells really bad?  Otherwise I would suggest sniffing his butt or maybe peeing on a bush nearby. ----------------  Dear Ouzo, There’s this little Jack Russell Terrier that is driving me nuts.  No matter what I do it won’t leave me alone, always yipping and running around in circles like an Freakin' Idiot.  What do I do to get rid of this pest.   Worn out Weimaraner   Dear WoW, Have you tried sniffing his butt.  If that doesn’t work try stepping on him or maybe peeing on his head. ----------------  Dear Ouzo, I went to the vets the other day and I came back, I don’t know, different.  I’m not sure what happened but I just don’t feel the same and when I lick myself something seems to be missing.  I’m just not myself right now, what should I do.   Not So Great Dane   Dear NSGD, Dude you’ve been tutored (apologies Gary Larsen).  At least they could’ve given you prosthetic ping pong balls.  Get used to it, the bitches aren’t headed your way anymore.  Go sniff some butt, it’ll make you feel better. ----------------  Dear Ouzo, Should I let my dog determine the men I should date?   A Human   Dear A Human, Yes.  If your dog doesn't like them then dump 'em.  But sniff their butt first if you’re not sure. ----------------  Dear Ouzo, What are the new fashions we'll be seeing on dogs this summer?   Another Human   Dear AH, Buck naked and proud!   Send in your questions to "Dear Ouzo". 9:49:51 PM      Throw Me A Bone []

Chick Singers   Dan Bern wrote a song called “Chick Singers” where he praised a lot of women vocalists.  The list goes on and is by no way complete.  It grows every day.  So many great singer/songwriters, so little time.  I’ve added singers from groups, Julie Murphy Wells from Eddie Form Ohio, a local band that is well worth seeing if you get the chance, and The Four Bitchin' Babes.  “Seems like there’s an awful lot of women In whose honor I would Like to raise my glass And give a toast Some of them are still alive And some, I hear their voices like a ghost Maybe this Thursday, I’ll throw a party And invite every woman That ever sang a song This would be a party That I think I would like to be the host Thanks to the bald-headed girl Whose tape of Bjork and Courtney Love And PJ Harvey I heard driving to the coast” – “Chick Singers” by Dan Bern Jane Arden Joan Armatrading Jonatha Brooke Tracy Chapman Shawn Colvin Sheryl Crow Ani DiFranco Melanie Doane Kathleen Edwards Patty Griffin Sarah Harmer Emmylou Harris Four Bitchen’ Babes Marti Jones Lucy Kaplansky Alison Krauss Patty Larkin Christine Lavin Annie Lenox Patty Loveless Kirsty MacColl Aimee Mann Loreena McKennitt Sarah MacLachlan Natalie Merchant Liz Phair Sam Phillips Bonnie Raitt Linda Thompson Gillian Welch Julie Murphy Wells (Eddie From Ohio) Dar Williams Lucinda Williams   Add some for me! 7:11:58 PM      Throw Me A Bone []

© Copyright 2005 Michael Doughten. Last update: 6/2/2005; 1:20:58 AM.