Michael Doughten: Flogging Morons

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 00:01:13 GMT

H5N1 - Coming to KILL YOU SOON! Yep we’re all gonna die!

Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. It’s got a kill ratio of 81%, sounds like a real slate wiper to me. It’s THE AVIAN FLU and if you listen to that wizard of medical science george dubya bush you haven’t got a chance. Of course that’s what he wants you to think so you won’t think about Iraq or Plamegate or any of his other major fuckups. Yes it’s time to play that FEAR CARD again. It worked so well in the last election. Let’s scare the shit out of everybody so they’ll leave us alone. Apparently if you get the avian flu you are going to die, but…. to get it you actually have to be messing with infected birds as in working hands on with live infected birds. If you cook the bird you kill the virus. It also helps to live in a third world country with no health care and really bad sanitary conditions. So let’s see, wear gloves, wash hands, don’t run with scissors, don’t talk with you mouth full, you really should call your mother more, yep that pretty much should take care of it. Kind of takes me back to the days of the swine flu, you know, that vaccine we got back in the 80’s, the cure for which there was no known disease. The last pandemic in the U.S. was in 1918 and about 500,000 Americans died. Health care pretty much sucked back then and so did personal hygiene. Since both have improved in the last 87 years we should be in pretty good shape. Now on a planet of 6 billion people I have a hard time getting scared about a disease that has infected 118 people and killed 81% of them. Ebola is a more kick ass virus than that. Next to Ebola the avian flu is a little girly man. The administration fears that the avian flu with EVOLVE into something that can be transmitted from person to person. Doesn’t sound like a very intelligent design to me. I thought they weren’t down with the whole “evolve thing.” One other important point, old Rummy has a big time investments in Gilead Sciences, which owns the rights to Tamiflu, one of the two vaccinations against the bird flu. Let’s kill two birds with one stone, we’ll scare the shit out of everybody so they won’t notice all of the corrupt, incompetent, deceitful stuff we’ve done, and get rich to boot, Brilliant! It’s only a matter of time before the geniuses at 1600 Penn. Ave. decide to kill all of the birds to combat this menace. I have more to fear from this Administration. As usual their cure is more deadly than the disease.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 06:31:48 GMT

A thoughtful piece on the state of things.

http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0508/S00186.htm

Sad that you can get attacked for being a vet but that's the new republican tactic these days, yes you can serve your country and be un-American too! You can be even more un-American if you lose mulitple limbs, just ask Max Cleland, who even though he lost both legs in Vietnam was attacked by the right and lost his Senate seat to a chickenhawk. Paul Hackett, (D) Ohio, lost a close congressional bid to a long-time Republican officeholder. He was an Iraq vet who had just returned from duty, his opponent a supporter of Ohio Gov. Taft who is being investigated for numerous conduct violations. And I thought Virginia was screwed up. Quoted as saying “I don’t like the son of a bitch who lives in the White House but I’ll put my life on the line for him” Hackett put his honor out for everyone to see. He lost a close race that the democrats had never come close to winning before under very suspicious circumstances. Hmmm. Ohio once again does what no single man can do, throw an election. One man, one vote, is total bullshit! Not in this country. If you are a Democrat in Virginia or a Republican in Maryland you might as well not bother to vote in the presidential election because your vote does not count. And if you are in the wrong party in a certain area you might just get intimaded enough to not vote at all. Amazing that we are behind even the new Iraq constitution in the democracy process. Our founding fathers should be spinning in their graves. I'm starting to believe that we need UN supervision for our elections. I wonder what Pat Robertson (R-Hell) thinks.

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 03:46:59 GMT

A brief sports aside. I decided to look up "asshole" in the dictionary and here's what I found:

Get a grip dude. If you weren't playing football what would you be doing? $5 bucks an hour at McDonalds that's what. Shut the fuck up and play. I can't stand the Eagles but T.O makes me feel sorry for them! Time to send his ass packing. Maybe he'd enjoy making $50K Canadian up north.

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 21:25:23 GMT

The Cindy Sheehan Report.

She's holding her own down in Crawford, Texas (motto: Asshole of the Universe). Cindy Sheehan is the conscience of America. If all you can do is call her names then we are winning! How do you smear a woman who has lost her son? Only the lowest of the low would do that. Unfortunately we know there are a lot of them out there. Have they lost children, spouses, relatives in Iraq? Have they enlisted to fight in THEIR president's war? Hell no. They are just a bunch of yellow republican chicken hawks pissing themselves at the thought of being drafted. It's safer to rant than to enlist. Bush won't institute a draft, he'd rather let the guys already in serve 3, 4, 5 tours of duty than start a draft. Enlistment is at an all time low and yet these right wingnuts continue to declare that this war is just. Let the poor and the minorities fight the war, rich white boys need not apply but they can attack and bitch and call names to their hearts content. Politics, it's like "The Soprano's" and "The Godfather" said, "I try to get out but they pull me back in." Go Cindy! Kick their ass! Read her latest update here.

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 23:13:00 GMT

I had decided to stay away from things political for a while but 2 things happened on the way home today that made me rethink this idea. First, it was a 4 hummer drive home and that always puts me in a crappy mood. Second, I saw a bumper sticker that said "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kerry." I was thinking that this sticker just didn't say enough, didn't relate how we really feel about our situation. Here's my suggestion.

I think this pretty much covers it.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 02:15:12 GMT

While I was away. (from the New York Times, June 23,2005)

Rove Criticizes Liberals on 9/11

By PATRICK D. HEALY (NYT) 424 words
Late Edition - Final , Section A , Page 13 , Column 5

ABSTRACT - Pres Bush's senior political adviser Karl Rove, speaking at fund-raiser for Conservative Party in New York State, charges that Democrats responded weakly to 9/11 terror attacks and have placed American troops in greater danger by criticizing their actions; Sen Charles E Schumer, Democrat of New York, accuses Rove of trying to divide nation for political purposes.

Hey Rove, did anyone elect you? Shut the fuck up! You have brought political discourse to a new low. Your brand of campaigning has set a new low standard of vile lies, mis-information, and fear mongering to get your loser boy re-elected. You are a disgrace to the American ideal. You represent everything that is wrong with this country. How do you live with yourself? I don't see you or any of your family in Iraq. You are a disgrace.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 01:18:08 GMT

This is my neighborhood.

This is what they're doing to it.

Honestly, could you have made it any fucking uglier? Could you?

Wed, 18 May 2005 12:59:28 GMT

The Decline of American Civilization Continues Unabated
Was this really necessary?

"Can you handle my truth?" says Britney on her new show.
Um, no, in fact I would rather drive 10 inch steel spikes into my head.
Haven't we suffered enough!

Wed, 18 May 2005 00:23:22 GMT

White House Seems Plenty Sorry To Me!

from the www.comcast.net homepage

Gee, perhaps Newsweek should respond back to dubya and the white house: "Sorry isn't good enough for you getting us into a dumbass war and getting a lot of people killed and costing us $200 billion and completely destabilizing the region so your rich oil buddies can get richer, Asshole!"

Thu, 12 May 2005 12:43:52 GMT

Warning - political humor!

Politicians at the Capitol Building in a mad dash to go home and change their underwear.

photo form the Washington Post, 5/12/05

Sun, 08 May 2005 18:16:11 GMT

From Wednesday, May 4th's Washington Post.....

"George Bush is a [Unprintable Vulgarity]." - Ray Magliozzi of NPR's "Car Talk"

I knew there was a reason I loved that show!

Sat, 07 May 2005 16:04:05 GMT

Can You Believe It!

After "The Big House" fiasco Arlington County has pulled an even bigger boner of their own. The new Washington-Lee High School, 5 years in the planning and with a $100 million bond referendum, turns out to be 30 FEET higher than the Arlington Co. height limit and cannot legally be built. Our esteemed assistant superintendent for facilities called it "a case of miscommunication". The cost of the project has increased to $95 million and no construction company has bid on it yet. Bad news for us. You can read about it in the Washington Post. This causes great concern for "the Big House "issue. I think they've "misunderestimated" this one, must be the bozone layer effect coming over the river from DC.

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 00:38:05 GMT

The only reality show I’ll watch - or - if you're going to make a reality show make a real one.

“Survivor – Jersey City”

Contests -
          Robbing a liquor store
          Crossing the street without getting shot
          Begging for spare change
          Best squeegee team
          Downing bottles of Thunderbird, MadDog 20-20, or Night Train
          Scoring some H for your tribe
          Ratting out opposing tribe members to the cops
          And many more!

Immunity Challenge winner gets an hour with a hooker and some X!

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 18:42:33 GMT

Some Things Are Just Wrong!

Just came back from a trip to "WordNetDaily.com" courtesy of Fried Green al-Quedas. I won't link to it because it's way too dangerous for sensitive people to visit. Let's just say that if you have a low gag reflex you'll be heaving all over the place. My head hurts, I need pharmacutical help. I need to say bad things about conservatives so here goes.

Esquire Magazine recently published a poll asking women around the world to rank, from 1 to 10, "How sexy is George W Bush?" Not very apparantly. 11,000 women from 15 countries responded rating dubya around a "2". Indonesian women think he's a "2.2" (his high hotness-mark). Dutch, German, and Aussie women gave him a "1.4" (ouch). American women came in at "2.1" (no home-field advantage there). I guess Laura has nothing to worry about although rumor has it that Condi Rice gave dubya a "9".

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 01:06:09 GMT

THE BIG HOUSE

On the front page of our paper there was an article about big houses built on little lots in old neighborhoods. People are moving from the suburbs back in towards the city but they still want their suburban McMansions. The interesting thing for me is that the article is about my neighborhood where many of the houses are ~70 years old. This picture was taken 3 blocks away from my house. The little bungalow on the left belongs to a good friend of mine. We watched in horror as this monstrosity went up. It’s not only big it’s butt ugly! Something needs to be done to stop this sort of thing and in our neighborhood that just might happen. It turns out that this house is too big, about 4 feet too high and since the community won't sign off on a variance that issue will have to be dealt with. The house also violates the lot line requirements of building within 10 feet of your property line, don’t quite know how the inspectors missed that. With any luck at least the top will have to come off this thing and cost the owner a plenty. When it happens I’ll be he one across the street selling popcorn.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 03:01:34 GMT

It's A Thing Of Beauty!