Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I sit across from her I math. One of those incredibly magical people in the world who are just beautiful to look at and who seem to brighten the room with their smiles. I do not know what she has to do to be the way she is but I envy her for it. I am not exaggerating when I say she has a body that some supermodels would kill for, she has an impeccable sense of style, she has a very feminine attitude, a charming smile, is brilliant at math even if it takes her a tad longer to grasp some concepts and is the sort of woman that any man would likely lust after. I suppose you could say I too lust after her but only in the sense that I think "wow, I could be like that someday". She is obviously very genuine and what you see is not all there is to her. She is brilliant in her own regard, and of that I am certain. She sits in class with her legs crossed just so and there is always a faint hint of a smile on her face even if none is present. I have never seen her upset and she always knows just when to laugh. Now, I think I know what you are thinking: "wow this guy is a total stalker" but that is simply not true. I simply observe what I see and that goes for all people. It is just impossible not to be impressed with her. In fact I sometimes wonder if it is even possible for me ever to look and act in a similar fashion to her. Lets face it right now I am totally laid back on my couch and in a wrinkly shirt after sitting like this for some time. I do not always have a smile on my face, I do not walk in a feminine manner, nor do I wear tight pants that accentuate my butt if you want to get technical. It is simply a great desire of mine to be just like this girl. She in my mind is the very image of what transgender people have when they think of what life might be like as a woman. Now that raises a question: What the heck happened to all those transgender people who now do not look like her? My only guess is that they did not work hard enough to achieve what they wanted to. I know some transsexuals who do look like her and who are indeed perfect in their own right and I know that someday I too can begin to look like them. I realize transitions like these take plenty of time and I am willing to wait at least a year before I notice anything that even begins to resemble the girl in my math class. That is why as of right now (well, actually six my time which is nine on the east coast, and in eighteen minutes) I will begin to take steps in that general direction. I will consciously make an effort to do things just a little less manly and will work on creating a very slightly feminine appearance on my outside (smile etc.). Who know, maybe by the end of the school year I might even notice these changing aspects myself. Here's hoping the best! 5:44:24 PM     comment []

The amazing thing about matrices. (yes even I can stray from the beaten path for a moment) Lets pretend that you are... like me! And you want to send someone a secret message (not a massage mind you) and you want to tell them you want to be a girl. Well now you can! Its so nifty and only takes a few minutes to learn even if you know nothing about matrices. Lets say I want to encode this message: "I want to be a girl". First things first: you make A=1, B=2, and so one making any space a 0. So the message now becomes this: 9,0,23,1,14,20,0,20,15,0,2,5,0,1,0,7,9,18,12,0,0. Now you put them into what is known as a 1x3 (or a one by three) which is a matrix in which it has one row and three columns to make: [9 0 23] [1 14 20] [0 20 15] [0 2 5] [0 1 0] [7 9 18] [12 0 0]. Now it gets simple. All you do is make ANY-yup you can make one up here- 3x3 matrix. This means that it has three rows and three columns and there are 9 numbers in it. For arguments sake I will mine looks like this: [[0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8]] Now I simply multiply each individual matrix by my 3x3 to get: [138 170 202] [162 197 232] [150 185 220] [36 43 50] [3 4 5] [135 169 203] [0 12 24] and guess what?! You cannot decode this message unless you have the inverse matrix and you can only get that by having the original matrix. That means no one else can ever know what you have written. It makes no sense to anyone at all without the original matrix. In tomorrows posting I will show you how to decode this matrix. *I know my 3x3 doesn't look like it has 3 rows and three columns but in fact it should the weblog software wouldn't post it the way I wrote it. Just write it with the 3 starting a new row and the 6 starting a new row as well. 4:56:38 PM     comment []

Why some days you feel like a woman and others you feel like a total guy I can never figure out. Right now I feel totally manly (well, as manly as I can be). And why that is... I have no clue. Perhaps its because I took a HUGE government test today (AP test) that took up almost 4 hours of my life. Phew! Glad that is over and done with. Or perhaps its because I have a headache right now? Your guess is as good as mine I am sure. Oh I know! It must be when I think an insane amount about math. Because I did do that today and in fact had a rather plesant conversation with my math teacher today about the future of Social Secureity (no joke there). But in all reality I have no idea why my thoughts on a sex change fluxate so wildly in one day as opposed to another. Oh and for those of you who were waiting- A new story will be up either tonight or tomorrow morning! 2:54:28 PM     comment []