Sunday, May 15, 2005

Goodness Gracious! I had entirely forgotten how utterly bizarre it feels to shave your legs! They feel so... naked. No kidding, it feels like my legs are naked even though I have on pants over them. I know from past experiences that today is not a good day to go to the beach (I don't have a swimsuit anyway and I have never liked the idea of nude beaches) because it stings on your legs. Why this happens I'll never know. Thats me for you! I could tell you all about Kepler's laws on plantery motion but I can't tell you why my legs feel naked or sting when I go into the ocean with them. Also, Just because I have never been to sure of this: are guys supposed to shave their armpits? A little? not at all? always? I never thought about it until quite recently actually and I have pondered it perhaps a tad too much. It is also worth mentioning that while I can apperantly condone drinking beyond excess I cannot stop myself from throwing up. Granted I was able to stop for almost two full weeks I think, but I just did it again today. Maybe this was a fluke and won't happen again. I'm trying not too, but I am just so concerned that I will too large to make a sucessful transition into an approachable woman next year. 4:45:29 PM     comment []

A sex change would be new something really unique but would it appropriate, for the shy and the meek? I might go through with it and wear a little skirt put on a little makeup and hope my high-heels don't hurt The feeling would be new and bring me to a point of elation; I would remark to its feelings an' write you an evaluation but what of me? lost in the mold? all because I took one too many hormones and now my male life's gone cold? I like being me, but I want to be you more I'm determined to not have my dreams be the product of only fork-lore. I could sit back and not do one thing more but I've done that for years and not anymore. 1:17:54 PM     comment []

Gosh, I feel terrible in that: "I didn't update my blog yesterday and I was hoping to update it everyday for at least two weeks" way. Oh well, I guess we all need time off here and there. You know, while at Barnes and Noble the other day picking out books to read I was wondering if I pile on educational tasks so that I won't think about what I really want to be. I mean, I bought five books on Anthropology, philosophy , odd facts, and Latin. All of course in my favorite fields of study (is odd facts even an area of study?, I think not), but It does take up my time reading them. Well, reading them and immersing myself in a Star Wars video game on my computer if you want to get technical, and of course you do. the only times during the day I devote to thinking about what my heart calls for is whenever I update this blog, and late at night (usually around 12 or 1am). Then I try to justify this by reassuring myself that I was busy reading, eating, or doing some other lame and boring task. that just doesn't seem right to me now. I know that its great to learn all about the realationship in architecture between the Myan's buildings and those discovered at Tectihuacan, but in reality how is this going to make me a happy adult? Actually, I just think I think too much. Maybe this week I can try to shut off my brain (schools almost over anyway) and just concentrate on how I am feeling. Changing topics rather abruptly, is it healthy, or rather, common for people to be concerned about what others think about them to a large degree? I know that it shouldn't shape your life, but I feel as though my happiness can be tied to the happiness of those around me. Lets relate this to a sex change eh? Okay, say I go through with a sex change but still look at least in some regard male. I would never want to go through with a sex change then. That would be the biggest mistake fo my life, I know it would. and what would other think of me then? I would be shunned from respectable socitey and cast aside. I would be third rate citizen, a freak to many. What point would there be in going through a sex change then? Happiness that I have fulfilled my lifes dream? Ha! As if, I could never live with myself then. But say I don't go through a sex change and would I then regret it for the rest of my life? Probably. I suppose that I will never know until I try. But of course as I stated: The issue at hand is as to whether or not the ends here will justify the means. Why throw my life away now to a possible upsetting existence? You know, I think I should be more happy and upbeat with myself. People who know me in person always comment what I cheerful person I am, and if I could make myself as happy as I do others I would be estatic. As I right in assuming that you're always your own harshest critic? I think so. 11:39:27 AM     comment []