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Monday, May 23, 2005
 

Dinosaurs in Eden

This article from the Guardian will teach you a few things.
  • The T-Rex was actually a docile vegetarian (that would explain the small

    arms)
  • Some dinosaurs survived until the last ice age (these dinosaurs were either run over by speeding glaciers* or hunted to extinction by super-kickass

    cavemen).
  • Most dinosaurs drowned in the Great Flood (including thousands of sinful, ocean dwelling species of dinosaurs. It was, after all, a lot more water than they were used to).
  • Noah saved some dinosaurs. (Unfortunately the first few dinosaurs aboard the Arc ate the unicorns. Noah was so upset -- unicorns taste even better than pigs -- that he converted the unfilled dinosaur cages into shuffleboard decks and squash courts. Noah told the sad

    collection of dinosaurs treading water outside the Arc to 'wait there' as he 'had to make two trips'. Noah lied. The rudder had been removed to make deck chairs. To this day, Noah's betrayal of the dinosaurs remains such a sore subject with paleontologists that most simply refuse to acknowledge Noah's name in connection with dinosaurs).
  • Bush says "the jury is still out on

    evolution."
    (If the Scopes jury hasn't returned from deliberation yet, my guess is that they starved to death 80 years ago. Some fundamentalist christians aren't sure about gravity, either. They think it might just be a conspiracy by Jews to get you to drop your change)

If you can get people to believe there were dinosaurs on Noah's Arc, you can get them to believe pretty much anything, e.g. Saddam was behind 9/11, we found the WMDs, voting machines operated by Bush allies don't need paper trails, Social Security is in crisis, and so on, ad infinitum.

The upside is that the Religious Right still has a way to go before they can start pushing the Aristotelian ideals of a geocentric universe where the skies are made of solid, concentric crystalline spheres moving under the power of angels. If you ever hear Rush or Hannity disparage Galileo, the apocalypse is nigh.


10:50:42 AM    comment []


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