good power
that’s what I called it when I spoke to the group of about 40 counselors and foster parents last month. I spoke about sexual exploitation by professionals which led nicely into a discussion about professional boundaries, sexual and otherwise. Three hours of ethics. It’s always hard for me to prepare for a talk to strangers, but this time was especially difficult because I decided to tell my story. It was something I felt I had to do; be honest, that is, with it being an ethics talk and all. It was a nice audience, probably more women than men, but all were good listeners with great eye contact and challenging questions, not necessarily to me personally but to the world and to a system that doesn’t always work.
I started with history, with lots of interesting examples, like Eli’s sons and Jung. I kept it in order, chronologically, leading right into Clinton which then led to the definition of sex. Then came anatomy, a little sex physiology, ie, “what’s the most important sex organ for the female?” (answer: the brain)
After all the intros and definitions, I reviewed the law in Texas, and the ethical guidelines of each of the major professions, looking mostly at where they stand with having sexual relations with former patients/clients. I got into the dynamics of this form of abuse: adults abused by professionals who are in a position of power. I had lots of examples: others’ and my own. One of the participants was a nun and when I got to the slide about predators using the spiritual bond with their clients to sexualize the relationship, I got a little tripped up when she asked me what sex had to do with God (paraphrased, but that’s how I heard it.) Well, duh, I thought, but then I saw her pure, white head covering and realized she may have never had sex. Well, duh. I guess I was nervous, but I completely forgot my favorite all-time quote: GK Chesterton said, “A man knocking on the door of a brothel is a man knocking on the door of God.” I think I started to say things, like sex is the most spiritual, intimate relationship we can have with another….that felt too personal. I don’t think she got it, but she said she did. Like I said, nice audience. Anyway, she and 2 other women came up to me afterwards and thanked me, saying the talk helped them a lot.
I closed the last 30 minutes of this eternally long talk with words about recognizing and setting professional boundaries with our clients. I talked about that good power that we have in helping our patients change unhealthy lifestyles. (ie, studies show that people stop smoking when their health care provider tells them to) And if we are too uncomfortable with that power, we might unconsciously try to equalize the power, by being “equals” with our patients. I think I may have done this subtly immediately after my abuse, thinking perhaps that all power is bad. I also got into the small community phenomenon where boundaries are crossed inadvertently with social and professional lines being blurred quite easily.
I would love to do this for the professional schools on campus, like nursing, counseling, PA, pharmacy, gearing each talk to their specific laws. I am working on a letter right now to the dean to see if he can help with this. And next year, when I have a little more time, my husband and I may submit a presentation for the PA’s at one of the state meetings. I’ll let him do the legal aspect since he is on the licensing board. Ok, so I will use his clout. He will use my power point.
So that’s where I was, but before that, my mom was staying with us for 2 months as she recuperated from knee surgery. Then my brother stayed a few days, after my daughter from DC came for Christmas. Having my mom here was different. Nice, but different. A little strained. I saw myself in a different light. Through my mother’s actions and thoughts, I saw pieces of myself and I understood more about my negative thinking.
I am trying to pace myself at work. I am pacing my heart, too. “Stay calm,” I tell myself off and on throughout the week. Accreditation is coming soon. Stay calm. I think I might do some clinical hours with a psychiatrist to polish my prescribing skills. I think that might be a win-win solution to some staff shortage problems. We might not be in such a hurry to re-locate to be close to my mom, due to the economic woes, but I worry about her every day. She is lonely because her friends are dying. This is what she told me and it’s the truth, not drama. Her cat is alive and well, though, and for now, I pray for a little more joy to slip into her life.
I asked my friend yesterday about her spiritual life. The question sounded so absurd when it slipped out of my mouth: Do you think about God these days? I think I asked because I think about Him a lot. In all the not going to church and not reading the Bible and carelessly offering up words like prayers, I am missing something I once had. Well, happy birthday to me, Valentine baby, and while I am visiting my daughter this weekend, I will send a prayer up in the DC skies for a little understanding, a little hope, a lot more joy and some of that good, good power.
i hear it might snow.....
11:57:34 PM 
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