Have you ever heard anything like it?
My husband is trying to lose some weight, so I- his 300 pound wife- have joyfully been making him beautiful, fabulous salads for supper- nice mixtures of spinach, romaine, radicchio, that gorgeous purple cabbage, bean sprouts, shredded carrots, finely chopped cucumbers (he doesn’t really like cukes but I figure they’re easier to bear in smaller pieces). One night I sliced Cortland apples and green seedless grapes and topped the salad with walnut pieces. He was clearly grateful for my efforts. But then, last night, it hit me that though he was appreciative of his salads- even mentioning their eye-pleasing presentations, he was still grumpy and snappy and tired after his long day. I jumped up from the table last night, pushed my chair in just hard enough for it to be noticeably too hard and stomoped over to get busy at the sink. My husband said, “What’s the matter with you?” which was irritating and painful because of course he should know.
“What’s the matter with me?” I asked incredulously? “I made you that wonderful salad and you’re still crabby.”
My mate looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
“I said thank you. It was great. I said I really appreciate you making me a different supper?” his voice went up at the end. Clearly he was clueless.
“Well that’s great. You appreciate it but it doesn’t even make you happy!!” I spit this in his direction, making clear his inability to ever be happy.
I will never forget the look on his face. It was such a mixture of things, so painfully complex. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was feeling. Then he said sadly, “Kay- food doesn’t make me happy.”
Have you ever heard anything so fucking crazy in your life? What the hell kind of man did I marry? It’s like a veil was lifted. 26 years later and I finally understand why I have no idea how to please this complicated man. Food does not make him happy or unhappy. I cannot even imagine such a thing. How the hell does he get out of bed in the morning? What keeps that man going? What does he look forward to, what does he grieve with, celebrate with, suffer with, silence himself with? How does he show his love to friends and strangers and family? I know it’s not a guy thing because growing up with my big jock older brothers and my father of few words, I knew before I knew much else, how to make them happy with food. Brownies, fudge, spice cake, mayonnaise cake, peanut butter cookies, whoopee pies, homemade donuts, and more, more, more. So it’s not a guy thing. I think it’s just a crazy weird thing.
If food didn’t make a person a happy- what would?
5:22:02 PM 
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